


I should have been there sooner

by kageyamas_b1tch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, I'm Sorry, Pain, Regret, Self-Harm, Suicide, kuroo needs help
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29376324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageyamas_b1tch/pseuds/kageyamas_b1tch
Summary: Where Kuroo needs someone to stop him but no one's there.
Kudos: 3





	I should have been there sooner

**Author's Note:**

> BIG TRIGGER WARNING:  
> \- suicide  
> \- self-harm  
> \- degrading thoughts  
> (please tell me if I should add any more tws)
> 
> If any of this content may offend or trigger you, please do not read it.

Kuroo Tetsuro stood on top of his apartment complex and looked down at the people below. They looked like bugs to him; he was up so high. The view was beautiful. He gazed with empty eyes at the lights in the distance. He wished that he was just there to admire the landscape. Kuroo sat down on the ledge, legs dangling in empty air. How could the world look so beautiful now when it was so cruel to him before? What kind of unfairness was this.. 

Kuroo slowly traced the scars and cuts on his arm with his finger. He remembered when Kenma had seen them for the first time. 

*flashback*

“Kuroo, what is that?”

Kuroo had covered them faster than lightning. “Um, nothing!”

“Gimme your arm.”

“No, we have practice, Kenma!”

Kenma grabbed Kuroo’s arm and stared at the numerous cuts on his arm, some already scabbing. 

“Kuroo!” Kenma had said, tearing up a little. “This is so much more important than practice! Why are you doing this?”

“It’s nothing.” Kuroo had snapped, snatching his arm away. “Let’s go.”

*end of flashback*

He had tried so hard and done so well to stop cutting, but these days, Kuroo just couldn’t stop himself. The scars that had faded over the weeks were now covered with fresh cuts which stung against the harsh wind. 

_ Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe it’s not worth it. Maybe some people care about me. _ Kuroo thought.

Searching for something,  _ anything _ , that would stop him from falling. 

He picked up his phone and went to his contacts. 

Kuroo dialed Lev. Nothing. Went straight to voicemail.

He dialed Yamamoto. His phone rang for a few seconds but then went to voicemail. 

He dialed his mother, his father. Even they didn’t answer. 

Kuroo laughed quietly. Of course no one would answer. It was almost 2 am, anyways.

His finger hovered over his last resort. His best friend from childhood. Hopefully Kenma would answer. He was probably awake, either on his phone or playing games. 

He clicked Kenma’s contact. 

...

...

...

“Hi. It’s Kenma Kozume here. I can’t come to the phone right now. Call me back later.”

Kuroo clicked the call symbol again.

...

...

“Hi. It’s Kenma Kozume here. I can’t come to the phone right now. Call me back later.”

This couldn’t be happening. Why wasn’t he answering? Kuroo frantically clicked call for the third time. 

“Hi. It’s Kenma Ko—“

Why. Why why why why why why.

One part of him didn’t want to. The sane part, at least. 

But the other part was screaming. 

_ No one cares about you. _

_ Not even Kenma. _

_ He likes his games more than you. _

_ Why stay on this earth when you have no meaning? _

_ You’re just going to be a burden if you stay. _

_ You’re worthless. _

_ You’re untalented. _

_ You’re ugly. _

_ You’re annoying. _

_ You’re clingy. _

_ You’re disgusting. _

_ You’re better off  _ **_dead_ ** _. _

Kuroo opened his messages, and sent one message to Kenma. 

Then he shut off his phone and stood up on the edge.

The wind ruffled his hair. Kuroo laughed. A laugh full of sadness. A laugh full of all the emotions he had kept bottled up. 

He turned his head to the sky. One tear trailed down his cheek and onto the concrete. Then another. And another. He was crying now. Tear after tear cascaded down his face. He was smiling the whole time. Maybe he could have peace now. 

Kuroo’s head still turned towards the sky, he pointed at the one star he could see with his aching arm... And started laughing again. Laughing hysterically until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He felt drunk. 

His arm pointing at the star, Kuroo whispered, 

“Fuck you, God.”

He turned around so that his back was facing the empty air, and fell. 

~ ~ ~

“Yes! I won!” Kenma celebrated his victory in the new game he had recently started playing. He picked up his phone, which had been on Do Not Disturb mode. He looked at the time. Almost 2:30 am. He checked his notifications. Three missed calls from Kuroo. 

“What.. Why would he call me at literally 2 in the morning?” He said to himself. “He goes to bed at 10 every day.”

Kenma clicked the notification to call Kuroo back, but it went straight to voicemail.

“Helloooo! It’s Kuroo Tetsuro! I’m not available right now. I’m probably playing volleyball or hanging out with my bestie Kenma! Try again later! Bye!”

“Huh.” Kenma sighed. “Why would he call me if he wasn’t going to answer?” 

He was about to close his phone when he noticed another message from Kuroo. He opened it.

Kenma’s heart dropped. He read the text over and over again. 

The text read, “I’m done.” 

(texts)

Kenma: Kuroo

Kenma: Kuroo

Kenma: Kuroo

Kenma: Wdym

Kenma: Where are you

Kenma: Kuroo! Answer

Kenma: I’m coming over.

As Kenma ran through the familiar streets to Kuroo’s apartment, his mind was racing with thoughts. What if something had happened to Kuroo?

Kenma finally reached Kuroo’s apartment complex, breathing hard. It was so cold that his breaths became steam in the night air. Kenma unlocked his phone and quickly texted “I’m here” to Kuroo and started walking towards the entrance when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. A red jacket...

It was near the side of the building, barely visible. Kenma started walking towards it.

Kenma’s phone, the phone he and Kuroo had saved up for months for, clattered to the ground. 

“Kuroo...?”

“KUROO!!!” 

Kenma ran towards Kuroo, who was sprawled on the concrete, blood trickling out of his mouth, not moving. 

“Kuroo! Can you hear me? Kuroo!” 

Hands shaking and tears welling up in his eyes, Kenma searched for a heartbeat, a breath, anything. 

Nothing. 

The blonde boy scrambled for his phone that now had a crack on the screen, and dialed 119 with trembling fingers. 

“119, what’s your emergency?”

However embarrassing, Kenma couldn’t stop the sobs that heaved from his throat.

“My friend-“

“Pardon me?”

“My friend-“ Kenma half screamed, half sobbed. 

“He jumped off the roof.” He whispered.

“Could you say that louder please? I didn’t quite catch you.” The woman on the end of the line said. 

“HE JUMPED OFF THE ROOF!” Kenma yelled. He couldn’t face the truth of it all.

“Okay, can you find a pulse?”

“I can’t! I can’t I can’t I can’t...”

“Okay, where are you right now?”

Kenma gave the woman the address. 

“Could you please stay on the line? Excuse m—“

Kenma kneeled beside the cold body of his best friend, his hands balled into fists on Kuroo’s chest, his nails digging into his palms.

“I’m sorry, Kuroo.” Kemma sobbed, burying his face in Kuroo’s unmoving chest as his whole body shook with grief and regret. “I should’ve been there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“ _ I’m sorry _ .”

“Please come back.”

“ _ Please _ .”

“Please, Kuroo.” 

~ ~ ~ 

When at last the blue and red lights illuminated the area, Kenma was still sobbing although there were no more tears left. 

Kenma looked up with puffy eyes at the paramedics and begged, “Please, please. Help him. I can’t- I did everything I could. He’s not waking up. Why isn’t he waking up?” 

Kenma watched as the paramedics took Kuroo’s vitals.

“I’m sorry, kid. He’s gone.”

Those five words broke him more than he already was. 

“NO!” Kenma’s throat was already raw from sobbing. “HE CAN’T BE! YOU’RE LYING!”

The paramedics injected something into Kenma’s arm as he thrashed against their hold. 

“It’s a sedative. Don’t worry, it’s nothing that strong. It’ll just knock you out for a few hours.”

Through blurry vision, he saw the people hauling Kuroo onto a stretcher and shutting the door of the ambulance. He was put into the back of a police car.

“Wait.. Bring me too...”

**Author's Note:**

> T T  
> I'll probably make a second part to this...  
> This may or may not be accurate. I am fortunate enough to not have experienced these types of situations, but if you ever feel this way, please go tell someone. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!  
> Thank you for reading my work! <3


End file.
